


Knock Me Over With a Feather

by dr_ducktator



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-06
Updated: 2014-05-06
Packaged: 2018-01-23 19:43:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1577249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dr_ducktator/pseuds/dr_ducktator
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harvey is a stone wall, but how he feels about Mike could make him crumble. This is a story about how Harvey loves Mike, but that love is unrequited.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Knock Me Over With a Feather

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this because I saw on tumblr somewhere that people wanted to read a story where Harvey pines for Mike to no avail. Post-season 3. Aaaaand, this is un-betaed, aaaaand I just like, wrote it. What I mean to say is, I'm sorry if it's not awesome.

Harvey’s cool demeanor was the result of an expertly constructed façade he’d begun fashioning from a young age; he was a self-made man, and he was extremely careful never to let anyone catch a glimpse of who he truly was. Sure, Donna had her own box seats for the real Harvey show, and Scottie had known him long enough to peek through the cracks he hadn’t yet sealed up while he was fucking around in law school.

But Harvard was a long time ago, and while he can’t make certain people unsee what they had already seen, Harvey has made it part of his life’s mission to make sure no one sees any vulnerabilities in his devastatingly handsome armor. 

Lately, though, his resolve is fading. If he to be were perfectly honest with himself (which he tries never to be – he dabbles in self-delusion, too) Harvey would have to say that ever since Mike Ross exhibited his ridiculous brainpower, the chipped veneer he had sealed and smoothed over was beginning to show. 

He wanted Mike. He wanted Mike so badly that he felt sick to his stomach over it. He used to feel the same way about Scottie once upon a time; he even tried to feel that way again, even tried forcing the issue by bringing her into Pearson Specter, but his allegiance to Mike, and his willingness to go to prison for Mike were bright, blinding red flags. Scottie could see as plain as day that Harvey was in love with Mike, even though she never could quite get the words out. She had opted instead to let Harvey believe his mask was in tact, and pretend that they would never work because their love was from an irretrievable past. Of course both she and Harvey knew the truth. Of course they did.

Loyalty always meant so much to Harvey. And Mike’s unwavering loyalty to him was just one of the reasons he loved Mike. But he also loved how hard he worked, how much of a shit he really gave about people, how he tried so hard to impress Harvey, how he never really gave up on the stupid skinny ties, how blue his eyes were, and how wide his eyes got when he was scared or amazed or surprised, usually because of something Harvey did. Harvey was an egomaniac; he never denied it. You don’t create a perfect, illusory projection of yourself if you aren’t. So what Harvey may have loved most of all about Mike was that he was everything Harvey was not.

There were moments in his and Mike’s interactions when Harvey thought maybe Mike could see past the picture-perfect persona he’d fashioned. Every time Mike made a comment about their friendship, or that Harvey actually gave a fuck about someone other than himself, Harvey could swear he felt the cracks forming. He’d hold his breath, though, and the moment inevitably passed because Harvey would make a wise-ass remark and smooth over another layer of cement. Image saved again.

At night, at home, when he was alone, Harvey could let the walls down; he never did completely, though. He wasn’t sure he could anymore. You live a certain life for long enough, and you just lose who you used to be. But in those quiet moments, Harvey would sit with a glass of scotch, listen to records played so quietly only someone familiar with the songs would be able to hear them, and think about Mike. It was an exquisite pain to do it, but he liked putting himself through a little torture because he believed he deserved it.

See, Harvey felt like a coward for not having ever said anything about his feelings to Mike. He relied, instead, on some possible sense of ESP he hoped Mike had. Donna had it, so why was it so out of the realm of possibility that Mike had it too? It was just another excuse Harvey used to protect himself. Though he let down his guard from time to time and gave Mike his most imploring looks, it was no good; as far as he could tell, Mike had no idea how much Harvey loved him.

Except maybe now, he did. Mike had called him a good man. Harvey had held back the tears that threatened to fall, and he swallowed the words that tried to come out and shatter his entire world. He did these things because he was a coward. He also did these things because he believed Mike was truly happy with Rachel. And though Harvey was not above destroying relationships in general, he wouldn’t do that to Mike. Instead he opted to remain as stoic as he could. It worked for him, after all.

Still, he wished Mike would make a move. Harvey refused to believe Mike was wholly ignorant of Harvey’s feelings. He wished Mike would just ask him what was wrong. Harvey desperately wanted Mike to take a hammer and smash all the shit with which Harvey surrounded himself. He wanted Mike to grab him by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. Harvey was the most self-assured motherfucker in the world, but sometimes even he needed someone to tell him everything would be all right. He wanted Mike to tell him it would all be fine because he was going to leave Rachel and be with Harvey.

Harvey knew that eventually he would no longer be able to hide the chinks in his armor because bit-by-bit Mike was destroying his resolve. Harvey also knew there was no point to any of it; despite his evenings of quiet, hopeful delusions about Mike, Harvey didn’t dare put any genuine hope in the idea that Mike loved him, too.

Harvey knew he had nothing to offer Mike outside of a professional relationship. Harvey knew he was damaged despite what his outer presence and attitude said about him. Harvey knew Mike didn’t, wouldn’t, couldn’t love him back. 

Knowing all these things, Harvey opted to maintain appearances, continue to keep Mike safe from harm, always be the best closer in New York, and, for the duration, love Mike unrequitedly.


End file.
